Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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