you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
