I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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