i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
