We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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