Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize