I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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