this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
