Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
