you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
