I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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