Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
