I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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