So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
