Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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