I want to stick my p in your. b.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
