I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
