He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
