I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
