Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
