I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drake has all the answers
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
