So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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