My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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