Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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