So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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