his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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