So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
