I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
