The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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