dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
