And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
me + whiskey = a bad person
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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