I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
