I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My life is pants optional.
Randomize