my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
