Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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