I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
