i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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