I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize