Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
