ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
