I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
