She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
