I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
