I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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