im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
