Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
