you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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