Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize