the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
