Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
