Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
