More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
