I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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