video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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