The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
