I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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