I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
